The horizon just kept going. No matter how far she drove, it always escaped her. It's endless expanse seemed to taunt her, to let her know that it was something she could never touch. It reminded her of him.
          She had been driving for the better part of an hour, and she would have kept driving if the road had not ended. Before she had time to think about where she wanted to go, she was at the beach. The harsh wind was enough to bring her back to reality. Where had she planned on going? What was she doing here? Why did she want to leave? She knew the answers, and yet she didn't know. She planned on being anywhere else then where she had been. She was here to forget, even if it was just for a moment. Or was she here to remember? It didn't seem to matter. The only thing that mattered was her desire to get away. She wanted to leave, to be alone. Not just alone in her mind, like she seemingly always was, but utterly alone, with only her own voice as company.
          She left the comfort and security of the car to walk along the soft tide. The wind wrapped around her so tight and almost seemed to push her away from the water, as though it were jealous of her being able to touch the water as it never could. She made it to the water despite the wind, and it was much more comforting. While the wind was cold and almost hurtful, the ocean was surprisingly warm and so soft. It seemed to caress her feet as she walked along. The wind never left her body, and grew stronger as the minutes passed. The cruel wind was so strong and yet the water came and went as if nothing were wrong. She admired that.
          She decided to let the wind have its way and she left the comfort of the water. For now. Her eyes found a large flock of seagulls. It seemed she wasn't alone after all.
          "Are you trying to teach me that no man is an island?" she questioned to the watchful birds. If they could smile, she was sure they would have. She decided to indulge herself and enjoy the pleasure of their company.
          "I suppose you'll want something in return to listening to me ramble on? Don't worry, I've got just the thing." She practically skipped back to her car, amazed at how quickly having company changed her mood.
          She returned with a half-eaten sandwich, a sweater, and a camera. They were obviously curious at what she was carrying, but kept their distance until they could be sure. When the first piece of bread left her hand, however, they seemed to forget their shyness.
          As they viciously dove and jabbed for each piece of food, she found the perfect opportunities to snap a few pictures of the beautiful creatures. It's amazing how magnificent they looked even as they glided only feet from her. The only thing on their minds was the sandwich she was carrying, and that made the pictures only that much more perfect. She saw how they fought the wind to get what they wanted, determined not to let it win. She had to appreciate the irony of it all. The wind kept them in the air, essentially kept them alive, and yet it made it so difficult for them to have what they desired. She was convinced; the wind had to be a woman.
          "What does that have to do with anything?" she asked the hungry birds.
          "I suppose it's possible to be upset and still enjoy the little things in life, no matter how utterly trivial." She smiled to herself. It was nice to know that she could still have fun even when her world seemed so devoid of it.
          "I guess this is the part where I bare my soul to you." She took comfort in the fact the seagulls seemed to hang off her every word and yet had no idea what she was saying. "I know that it's the age old problem that everyone goes through at some point in their life, but it's always different when it's in first person." She mused at her own subconscious reference to video games.
          "They've become a part of my life. What can I say?" She knew they needed no explanation. Perhaps that's why conversing with them, or rather at them, felt so good.
          "I feel alone. Ok? There, I said it." She paused. They watched. "I wonder why it's so hard to acknowledge that. It's not as if I'm the only one who does. And I've never been afraid of letting other people know how I felt, especially if they showed interest in my emotions. So why does it feel like I'm twisting the knife when I say it, even when I think it?"
          She watched them and they watched her back. The response was so distinct in her mind she could have sworn that the birds themselves said it aloud.
           'You're not afraid to admit it to others, you're afraid to admit it to yourself.'
          "What?" This time, it was aloud. It didn't make sense to her. Why would she be afraid to admit it to herself?
          "I think I know the answer to this one. If I admitted it to myself, it would make it real. Real to me, anyway. You are your own worst enemy. I guess it would make sense that I would be afraid of what I would think of myself. It's hard to admit you need someone, it makes you feel weak. It drains your courage and leaves you, pretty much, out in the cold. Do you see a parallel here?" The birds just continued to eat the bits of sandwich she gave them. She pretended they nodded, and she laughed into the wind. She was getting annoyed at how much the wind was coming up in thought and conversation, and at how cold it was getting. Why not laugh at it in some futile attempt to poke fun? She continued to laugh as she realized how ridiculous her thoughts were getting.
          "Ok, now that we're past the lonliness bit, you want me to tell you what started it? Well, what is prolonging it, really. It's all his fault. Well, it's his fault if you can blame him for being born, for being my friend, and for being so wonderful. I never asked for him to come into my life."
          'Would you really want it any other way?' they seemed to ask her.
          "Of course not. I suppose it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I guess Tennyson was onto something with that one."
'What have you lost? You never gave him a chance to love. You just assumed things could never change and grow, and you decided for him. If anything, he lost.'
          "What if things didn't work out? What if he doesn't want me? I certainly don't want to feel alone and rejected. How can you ask me to put myself on the line when he never has? How would I even know if he wanted to? 
          Their eyes laughed at me, then immediately turned their attention back to the last bit of the sandwich.
          'What about the flowers he gave you when you were upset, and the necklace for your birthday, and the random calls just to talk, and the countless places you've been alone together, and all the times he's told you how beautiful you are, and the looks you catch a glimpse of before he quickly looks away? How naive are you?'
          She was surprised at how perceptive the seagulls had become in such a short period of time. She continued to listen to them, only half-conscious that it was her own mind talking.
          'How many times have you been to this very beach because you both enjoy it so much? Is that something you normally do with your friends? Go to the beach, alone, at night, just to watch the moon rise?'
          She became aware that the seagulls numbers were growing small, partially because the sandwich had run out, and partially because the sun was getting slightly closer to the horizon. Sunset would be in less than an hour. She suddenly remembered how the horizon reminded her of him. Why could the sun reach him and not her?
          The seagulls seemed to offer a great, yet corny, truth before they all departed.
          'Must we spell everything out for you? You are the sun. You are the only who could reach him, and you didn't even know it.'
          She took a moment to process the thought. Maybe the seagulls were right. She had always just assumed that all his kind gestures were just that, nothing more than pleasantries between close friends. Because of her feelings, she had always guarded what she said and did around him, perhaps too much. Maybe that was the wrong way to handle things. If she really thought it was better to have loved and lost, why did she seem to want to never love at all?
          Her mind tried to shape the thoughts into something she could take in, but she knew that as soon as she wrapped her mind around the idea, she would have to change the way she acted around him. She would have to let her guard down and perhaps let him know that she wanted to return his affections, if in fact he had any at all. There still was a chance that he was just a friendly guy, but at this point, it was a chance she would go crazy if she didn't take. She knew he would always be one of her closest friends, even if they never became anything more than that.
          She spent a while pondering everything so long she was hardly aware that the sun was about to set. She spent a little time watching it before she decided on leaving. She stood up and turned around only to be met with a pair of piercing green eyes. She almost fell back at their intensity. It was him. She wasn't sure if he was looking at the sun with those eyes, or at her.
          "You scared me half to death!" she said with a smile. She noticed her breath had quickened and she brought a hand to her chest. He smiled back at her, genuinely amused.
          "I've been here for a little while, but when you didn't hear my car pull up or me coming up behind you, I didn't want to disturb you. You look kinda cute when you're so deep in thought."
          She blushed and looked down at the comment, and at the fact that he was watching her. She couldn't help but ask.
          "How did you know where to find me?" His answer required no thought.
          "Remember the first time we came here? We were gonna have a bonfire with the guys, but it turned out we picked a day when no one could come. So we stayed until the fire went out. I remember you looked so content just watching the waves crash, and then we watched as the moon came out and lit up the beach. I thought that if I had had a rough day, this would be the first place I'd want to go. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."
          She decided to be a little bold and start getting some answers from him. She walked toward him until he was within arms length. She ran her hand through the length of his dark hair like she sometimes dared to do, and smiled as she withdrew her hand. He closed his eyes for the brief moment before her fingers left his hair. She paused before verbally crossing the line she had previously avoided like the plague.
          "Why are you really here?"
          She hoped against hope that he would understand what she really meant, and would answer accordingly. He looked back at the setting sun before answering.
          "I felt alone."
          It was all she could do not to break down right there in front of him. Instead, she closed the space between them and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. He leaned down to accomodate her, and opened his arms to let her in, but they hesitated in the air for a moment. She knew he must have been confused, so she allowed her hand to travel back into his hair and softly nuzzled her cheek into the crook of his neck. She was quickly rewarded with his arms engulfing her within them. She smiled into his shoulder as he brought his hand to her hair.
          As the sun completed it's job for the day and sunk into the horizon, they walked hand in hand down the beach.
          "Not that I'm not glad that I found you or anything, but, why are you really here? Was your day really that bad?"
          "No, I just needed to do some thinking." She smiled as she thought about what else she had done that day. "And I wanted to talk to a few seagulls."